I’ve been meaning to do this for some time, but it’s such a huge thing that I really didn’t know how to write about it. LG and I have been together officially for a little over a year now, and honestly it’s been the most rewarding time of my life. It hasn’t been roses, and especially in the beginning we fought a lot. In fact the entire reason for us being together in the first place is that she was upset with me, which was entirely deserved, and that led to us finally confronting our feelings for each other. The fact of the matter is that I dragged her along for awhile, and I guess unwittingly toyed with her emotions because I felt I didn’t deserve her affection or that I didn’t feel like I was ready or responsible enough for a commitment. I can’t be sorry enough for that.
So back to it being rewarding, I think that the fact of being in the relationship itself moulded me into being ready and responsible for one. I matured a lot over the course of the year, and LG has been my closest friend and given me so many immeasurable things, like more love and affection than I deserve, and some of the best advice a man can get.
What made it difficult, especially at first, was that this was our first relationship. We both came in with preconceptions and notions of what a relationship would be like, and that really increased the friction between us. But we mellowed over time, learning and adapting to each other. Neither of us actually listens to the other person at first of course, but we just sort of grow into each other so that changes were made gradually rather than overnight.
And it’s been great. I still mess up regularly, and I don’t really understand what she sees in me, but somehow managed to pull the wool over her eyes and make her think I’m a great guy. Maybe one day she’ll realise her mistake.
We’re trying to make something permanent of this in the future. I wouldn’t have gotten into this relationship in the first place if I didn’t think it was leading somewhere, and neither of us are getting any younger. It’s not going to be easy, because speaking for myself I don’t think I’m terribly mature, and we’re not CEOs of multi-national corporations. But it’s something we both want (I hope) and while of course I have my worries, settling down doesn’t present me with any sort of crisis, existential or otherwise. LG is the one I want to be with, and insya-Allah we can work things out.
I love you LG.