Tag Archives: melancholy

Attention Deficit Disorder?

Results of your
Attention Deficit Disorder Quiz

You scored a total of  57

You appear to be suffering from a moderate amount of attention and concentration difficulties according to your responses to this self-report questionnaire. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible attention disorder.
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Working Week Woes

Coming back from two weeks of National Service, as tiring and back-breaking as it was, helped me break out of the day to day grind of work. This isn’t the first time I’ve appreciated NS for getting me out of a situation I didn’t want to be in, and it probably won’t be the last.

I’ve posted a little bit about my work situation before, and for the sake of privacy I don’t really want to post too much. Regardless, this job just isn’t what I was expecting and I don’t see a future for myself in the organisation. Among my main grievances are the lack of concrete job descriptions and responsibilities, and the lack of possibilities for job advancement. There are other reasons, of course, but nothing I can go into here, even behind the veil of so-called anonymity,

I think writing about it earlier I would’ve been much angrier. As of now I’m just resigned that this is the reality of my job for now, and to just bear with it until I find something better.

Alhamdulillah it hasn’t been all bad. I’ve been able to make time to pray regularly, I’ve made friends, I’ve hopefully become more mature in a personal and professional sense and I’ve saved enough money to get married. So I take the good with the bad and try to understand the lessons I’ve had to learn and grow from.

Wa Allahu Alam.


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An Other Mother Gone

My mum’s friend whom I mentioned here passed on last week. Looking at her photos it was tough to imagine that this lady who’d always been so good to me wasn’t with us anymore. My friend took it in her stride I hope, since she’d probably been mentally prepared for it over the past month with her mum in the hospital but I know that I’d be torn up inside if it had been my mum, so I know it can’t have been easy for her.

The family’s not Muslim, so I went to the wake at her house. It wasn’t quite open casket, but the top part of the casket was transparent so you could see the face of the departed. I didn’t cry, but it was tough seeing her in the make up they put on the dead when a few steps away I could see photographs of her alive and well, the way I remembered her. My friend hasn’t had the best of times this past year, and the last conversation I had with her mum was about how moody she (my friend) had been and how difficult it was to talk to her sometimes.

I suppose the best thing to gain from this is an understanding that death is a certainty and a reminder to live our lives the best we can.

I miss you Aunty Wendy. May God have mercy on your soul.

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An Other Mother

The mother of a dear friend of mine is in the hospital with no apparent respite to her condition in sight. I’ve known this friend of mine for half my life (not that great an achievement considering my age I suppose) and her mum was always a big part of that relationship. She always had my best interests at heart, always asking how I was doing in school, whether I’d gotten a job or a girlfriend yet.

I had a dream that my friend was the one in critical condition and her mum was perfectly fine. I don’t pray for that of course, but I wonder what, if anything beyond my brain trying to make sense of the events of the day, it meant.

I make du’a for God to forgive her and relieve her suffering when I can.


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Bridesmaid Blues

I went to the wedding dinner of two old friends from JC on Saturday evening, and it was great. Seeing the two of them so happy and finally hitched after seven years together. And meeting old friends was a blast. Considering how long it’s been it felt really really good to see them again, and my old teachers too. Seeing the groom talk about the “pastor” (kadi… seriously) and how he had to repeat his nikah, and singing Bryan Adams’ Heaven (complete with guitar) were the kind of touching moments you only get between two people who were meant to be together.

The couple had the good fortune of having been friends for a few years before getting together after JC when they were a bit more mature. Both being in the teaching profession meant that they didn’t have to worry about career stability either. They have happiness in spades, I think.

Of course, after the euphoria died down a bit the next day, I came to the realisation that wasn’t going to be me on stage any time soon. Which led to a fair bit of depression of my part and some “trying to make sense of everything” moments.

I’m feeling better now, but still trying to make sense of things.  I kind of wish I’d taken more photos on Saturday though.


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From something positive.

On occasion I dream of my grandparents. I don’t know whether it’s actually them or just a trick of the subconscious, but there’s always this sense of gladness to be able to see them that eventually dissipates when realising it’s a dream. They’re the only dreams I remember these days though.

The fever I had over the weekend provided fertile ground as always for crazy, rarebit fiend* type of dreams though.


*Sidenote: I’d love to own collections of Windsor McCay’s work, particularly the Little Nemo series. Bill Watterson was absolutely right when he wrote that newspaper comic strips worked better with the advantage of pages and pages of comics, allowing comic strip artists a much bigger playpen. We were lucky to have Calvin and Hobbes for as long as we did.